| - Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." - Sharon Stone
- "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
- "My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading." - Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
- "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural mortal enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather (News anchorman)
- "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I guessed, 'Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenneger
- "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." - Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
- "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
- "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'" - Patricia Arquette
- "I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - the late Jerry Garcia (now one of the truly "Grateful Dead" rock group)
- "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses rock group)
- "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." - Rev. Jesse Jackson
- "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson
- "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Barbara Bush
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